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29 June 2007 @ 01:22 am
that is what it said. I wrote Juanita <3's Omar on the girls' bathroom door  about ten months ago. today after not having patronized that place I go back and i find that shit. what the fuck? then on the same door in the same marker it says something incriminating. A nickname used by omar and his friends. so I called him and he says he knows nothing about it. likely story.

just when we were gonna start making whoopy again. i don't think I want to.
 
 
24 June 2007 @ 12:59 am

it's so difficult to write about. I still see him. I remember that he was the one person who made me feel the euphoria that coupledom traditionally makes people feel, although our relationship was all but traditional. but if I think too long I'm plagued by the memory of our departure. of the times that were unhappy. the first time I tried to dump him and he didn't let me. his best friend told me that he was sure my boyfriend loved me even when he'd never said it to me himself.

I may love him still. I don't know. but I know this...the story must continue.

i made mention of my scrawny love interest to a coworker. she said she had gone to school with him, which surprised me. she was eighteen. so I asked her how old she thought he was. she saidsomething alopng the lines of: "19, 20 tops." damn! so for a short while I just watched him go by. I wasn't interested in anyone younger than me especially if they couldn't drink/go to bars whish is what I was into at the time. 

soon after (or during that time) I was involved with a friend named ryan. it was just a sex thing. actually we never had sex. it was always just foreplay and oral. he was a virgin and too whimpy to do it. he always had to drink toe ven get up the nerve to mess around so he was too dehydrated to stay up for very long. this reminds me. A MESSAGE TO ALL THE BOYS OUT THERE: PLEASE MAKE SURE WHISKY DICK DOESN'T HAPPEN TO YOU! YOU MAY NEVER GET ANOTHER CHANCE!!! trust me. I almost didn't give him one.

anyway, ryan and I were at a bar we loved called Rula Bula. Nice spot. If you are ever in tempe, arizona check it out. I digress....so there we were. the day was july 18th 2006. ryan and I are seated by the door and who should pop right into our favorite haunt but the ideal-looking man himself: OMAR. "I know that guy!", I said right away, althgouth I probably shouldn't have. I was already with a guy whom I was screwing around with! "shut up!" replied ryan in disbelief. "I do!" I protested although I really didn't. All I knew was his name. 

see, a few days after realizing that I was attracted to  I saw him stop at the starbucks at the end of the hall. he stopped and made conversation with my friends there while waiting for his coffee and lingered for more time after it was made than the usual customer seems stay. he seemed particularly familiar with janobia. so I asked her about him. she said his name was omar and she said she also thought he was on the young side.

But now I knew he was no minor! Woo-hoo!!! 

"His name is Omar", I continued, "he's my brother." Now this isn't too farfetched. I think that Ryan half believed it. we both have curly hair and are hispanic. for those reasons alone lots of people would confuse us for kin during our time together.

"If he's your brother then why didn't he say hi?", said Ryan. What a smarty pants! 
"Well, because it's not very bright in here and he was walking fast. duh...", I retorted.
"Fine. If he's your brother then go say hi." oh ryan. you have forced me to do it...I got up. walked toward the back of the bar which was not visible to ryan. I stood there. I looked at omar for a few seconds wondering myself if I'd have the balls to say anything to him and I swiftly ran back to my seat to confess.
"Ok. I don't KNOW him. I know of him. I know his name and I know he works at the airport.
"how do you know that?" at this point I think ryan thinks I'm a stalker.
"well....." and off goes my mouth.

omar leaves soon after he arrived and we stay 'til last call.

while sitting outside of Rula around 1:55 am on a wooden park bench we hear something coming. a skateboard. it's OMAR! he's so cute with the wind blowing in his nappy curly little pony tail. it makes me smile again to remember it. he whizzes by and down the street in the direction that I would take to find my car. that's it. I tell ryan: "he's gonna be my boyfriend"

immediately ryan thinks I'm crazy. i persist. "really. you'll see." a short while later after walking me to my car ryan asks if I'm going to spend the night tonight. I just say:  "didn't I just tell you that I'm going to make him my boyfriend?" he looks at me incredulously.
"you don't even know him."
"I know. But I'm focusing all my energy towards him"
"alright", he says, "goodnight" 
thus ended the possibility of growth between us. but a new door was opening. or should I say a lid. the lid of a beautiful antique box made of olive wood. on the outside is carved a picture of venus in a viney forest with small flowers of some kind spread all about. gold and silver detailing accentuate the moon and stars behind the goddess as well as the strands of her hair. it's a beautiful and sad looking scene. how strange to be in the forest at night. maybe she was lost. maybe she had been searching for her lover. maybe she lost him.

it's the pandora's box that love opens.

 
 
10 June 2007 @ 12:44 pm
rise  
late january. early february. something like that. i know the year was 2006. I can't remember the exact date or anything because at the time the event was insignificant.

I had just been employed by a gift shop in the airport. gates A15-30. I remember seeing a cute boy(?) at the food court once or twice from far away. he was working there, but I never got to say hi. I think he quit. too bad because he was quite attractive. just my "type" if I ever had one. about 5'10", thin build, pale, long dark hair, glasses(!). oh well...

july 2006...

I'm working at a kiosk selling dog stuff. i'm too good for it but it pays good for doing nothing. while listening to my mp3s hoping my manager doesn't sneak up on me I catch a glance at some skate shoes. they are white, black and hot pink. I look up and there goes a somewhat weird looking boy with a puffy pony tail. it would be curly but he probably doesn't know about mousse. i'm like: yeah, that makes sense. you have to be a weird guy to wear those shoes.

next time I see him...I say: well....that weird guy is kinda cute.
 
 
26 May 2007 @ 02:08 am
Well, I had an LJ for sometime but after neglecting to write in it for about 6 months, I find it  to be irrelevant to my life. It tells a story of a girl with two jobs who goes to school, has a life with friends and a wonderful boyfriend who she loves. None of that is true anymore. So I'm back but this time I wanna write about something that has consumed me for almost a year. Actually it could be longer than that. I'm talking about the rise and fall of my relationship with a certain person we'll call Amy who at this very moment is still living in the body of a man. Yes, my ex-boyfriend.

to be continued....